juliew
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 Posted 7th November 2007 21:55 IP   
For all those in a relationship or who have been or who want to be
Do you keep your finances separate from your partner or does it go into one big pot?
What works best for you and why?
We have a joint account and share everything, sometimes I would love to have control over my own money and decide how it is spent, but I think divorce is the only way to acheive this 
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southcoastpete
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Posted 7th November 2007 22:30 IP
Never got that far into a relationship yet Jules.
I suppose this all matters when couples at least start living together and there are shared bills.
For me, I'd like to pay into a bill paying account, which we would both pay into, but keep my own finances.
Thing is, if couples share everything, how can one half treat the other to something like a meal out, weekend away etc?
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funky_si
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Posted 7th November 2007 22:45 IP
Quote:
juliew wrote:
Do you keep your finances separate from your partner or does it go into one big pot?
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Separate
Quote:
What works best for you and why? |
Separate, because then there are no surprises
Quote:
We have a joint account and share everything, sometimes I would love to have control over my own money and decide how it is spent, but I think divorce is the only way to acheive this
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That's why ours is separate!
RE 1974-2011. Gone but never forgotten.
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stacey
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Posted 8th November 2007 08:35 IP
me and my OH are lookin for properties to move in to together after the new year and we have set up 2 joint accounts one is for savings which we put in £100 a month in each and the other account is there so when we move into together we can put money in each for bills
etc, that way we both have our money to pay off our own debts etc seperate and also so that we can treat eachother etc 
xxx
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WellManicuredWoman
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Posted 8th November 2007 10:34 IP
We have our own bank accounts that our wages go into, but we also have a joint account to (we opened it about a year ago for his football team as I was the secretary and he was the treasurer, and now thats over we just have it as a joint account).
We dont pay bills or anything out of our joint account, the only thing we have really done with that is put savings into it, and paid the deposit of our new house out of it.
When it comes to bills, some are set up on my bank account, and some on hubbys.
We know each others PIN numbers, so if need be we can get cashout of each other bank.
We dont regard our money as mine and his, it is our money, it just happens to be in our own acounts. It has been that way since we lived together, and it works for us.
We could alter things so our wages go into the joint account and bills are payed out of it, but its so much effort to change it all.
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Kathy Lees
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Posted 8th November 2007 10:41 IP
How does it work for you?
Is everything 50/50 or do the 'man' of the house pay for everything?
Is it fair that who earns more should pay more?
I'm talking about everything whether you live together or not from going to the cinema, meals out to utility bills, weddings and xmas gifts to family.
Do you have money of your own set aside aswell as joint money for joint things?
Abortion - It sucks the life out of you.
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Phil the Saint
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Posted 8th November 2007 11:03 IP
Everything goes into a joint bank account.
When I was married first time round, we put both salaries into a joint bank account and drew some personal spending money from it. We don't do that now because there isn't any money for personal spending but there will when we become better off.
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Patsy
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Posted 8th November 2007 11:05 IP
Didn't Julie start a thread about this already?
Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all.
Shame on U
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Kathy Lees
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Posted 8th November 2007 11:07 IP
Quote:
Phil the Saint wrote:
Everything goes into a joint bank account.
When I was married first time round, we put both salaries into a joint bank account and drew some personal spending money from it. We don't do that now because there isn't any money for personal spending but there will when we become better off.
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As I believe Phil, you are the only one who works so in effect, you pay for everything?
Abortion - It sucks the life out of you.
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Phil the Saint
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Posted 8th November 2007 11:09 IP
Quote:
Patsy wrote:
Didn't Julie start a thread about this already?
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Maybe but not recently if I remember. Sometimes, the good topics are worth another airing.
Related to this, I've thought recently about prenups. I've never had one but if (hypothetically) I got married again one day, I'd insist on one to protect my daughter's interests.
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Phil the Saint
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Posted 8th November 2007 11:12 IP
Quote:
Kathy Lees wrote:
As I believe Phil, you are the only one who works so in effect, you pay for everything?
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True but it goes into a joint account.
Being the sole breadwinner may be about to change. I don't want to say too much (in case it never happens) but we're considering some business ideas that we can pursue while I remain employed.
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Patsy
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Posted 8th November 2007 11:13 IP
Quote:
Phil the Saint wrote:
Maybe but not recently if I remember. Sometimes, the good topics are worth another airing.
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Last night ?
http://excoboard.com/exco/thread.ph...hreadid=1416151
I do think that it important to talk about, great minds think alike, eh?
Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all.
Shame on U
Revenge is a dish best served cold
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Kathy Lees
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Posted 8th November 2007 11:21 IP
Sorry, I just seen it in the finance forum. Coincidence.
I was interested as they say that when couples argue, it is either about sex or money.
With my parents, every penny is shared. If my dad gives me money for my birthday, it's really from both of them.
I may be old fashioned but I like to share everything, I think it makes things easier. But it's easy for me to say that as I believe I am quite generous with my money, in a non-stingie sense.
Abortion - It sucks the life out of you.
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Patsy
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Posted 8th November 2007 11:28 IP
Are you generous with everyone or just the people that you care for?
Say your partner decided to give his brother/sister, whom you may not like, a loan or really expensive present? I think some conflicts can arise when one person feels the other is generous with the "wrong people"
Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all.
Shame on U
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serendipity
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Posted 8th November 2007 11:42 IP
We each have our own separate accounts and then 1 joint account into which we each pay a certain sum every month. Hubby pays in more than I do because he earns more but we each pay the same percentage of our salaries. The money in the joint account is used for groceries, utilities, mortgage, renovation costs, recreation, vet bills etc etc.
If there is any money left in the joint account at the end of the month it goes into a joint savings account. We also each have our own separate savings accounts.
So far this system has worked out really well for us and we have never fought about money.
We also have a prenup which basically says that except for the house we each take out of the marriage what we brought into it and anything either of us accrues during the marriage remains the property of the accruer. We are also not responsible for each other's debts should the marriage fail.
Some people may see the prenup as a bit harsh and if you really think about it, if the marriage did fail I would get the short end of the stick, but it's fair.
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Ali
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Posted 8th November 2007 11:44 IP
If ever I got into a serious relationship again I would want an account where we both paid in our share of the bills and they went out by direct debit. I would want it so that neither of us could withdraw from this account without the other.
I would keep whatever was left out of my salary in my own account to do with what I wanted and he could do the same.
Experience has taught me never to trust another person with my hard earned money.
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Kathy Lees
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Posted 8th November 2007 11:58 IP
Quote:
Patsy wrote:
Are you generous with everyone or just the people that you care for?
Say your partner decided to give his brother/sister, whom you may not like, a loan or really expensive present? I think some conflicts can arise when one person feels the other is generous with the "wrong people"
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I'm mainly generous with the people I care for. What I mean is, I don't panic at the thought of paying for meals etc. and I am happy to pay whole bills rather than just my fair share but I guess I'm unhappy to do that all the time.
I think you could be right about that scenario you described but that is moreof a personal issue than a financial one I think.
Abortion - It sucks the life out of you.
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Dick here
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Posted 8th November 2007 12:25 IP
We have a joint bank account, just as we have a joint mortgage. If you live with someone and they own half the property, what's the point of not trusting them with the little spending money you've got left over each month ? 
For the millionth time, stop exaggerating !
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Hattie
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Posted 8th November 2007 12:33 IP
We have a joint mortgage, but so far haven't got a joint bank account. Not because we don't trust each other, we just haven't felt the need to get one. I tend to cover the houshold costs including the whole mortgage with my salary and we keep his salary for major expenses, and try to save the rest.
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Kathy Lees
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Posted 8th November 2007 12:37 IP
What about things besides mortgages and bills like meals out and cinema?
Abortion - It sucks the life out of you.
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Hattie
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Posted 8th November 2007 12:42 IP
Quote:
Kathy Lees wrote:
What about things besides mortgages and bills like meals out and cinema?
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With us it is a case of sometimes he pays, sometimes I do. We're very relaxed about it and certainly don't keep track ie. he paid last time, I'll pay this time. I know some couples who'll keep track of everything and share all costs straight down the middle. I really couldn't be bothered with that!
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Dick here
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Posted 8th November 2007 12:46 IP
I agree with you, Hattie. And it's where a single bank account makes life even easier. If we can afford to do something, we do it, if we can't, we don't. Who pays doesn't come into it at all, it's both of us.
For the millionth time, stop exaggerating !
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funky_si
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Posted 8th November 2007 13:10 IP
Quote:
Dick here wrote:
We have a joint bank account, just as we have a joint mortgage. If you live with someone and they own half the property, what's the point of not trusting them with the little spending money you've got left over each month ?
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In our case, it's not a matter of trust, it's more of a matter of not having 'misunderstandings' or making assumptions about the joint account. It works for us anyway, I can't remember us arguing about money, ever. If we ran a true joint account, then at least one of us and possibly both of us would be wanting to know what all the transactions were that we knew nothing about. As it is, I have no interest in how OH runs her day-to-day finances, and she doesn't question mine either.
RE 1974-2011. Gone but never forgotten.
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Dick here
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Posted 8th November 2007 13:31 IP
Quote:
funky_si wrote:
In our case, it's not a matter of trust, it's more of a matter of not having 'misunderstandings' or making assumptions about the joint account. It works for us anyway, I can't remember us arguing about money, ever. If we ran a true joint account, then at least one of us and possibly both of us would be wanting to know what all the transactions were that we knew nothing about. As it is, I have no interest in how OH runs her day-to-day finances, and she doesn't question mine either.
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I know where you're coming from, but it still sounds like a matter of trust to me...
Each to their own of course though.
For the millionth time, stop exaggerating !
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funky_si
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Posted 8th November 2007 13:47 IP
Quote:
Dick here wrote:
Each to their own of course though.
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I think you're right. This clearly works at this end. We just prefer to manage our own stuff.
My finances aren't secret as such. I often leave credit card bills lying around (I'm not very good at filing) and wouldn't be bothered if they were read - else I wouldn't leave them lying around ... ...
RE 1974-2011. Gone but never forgotten.
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Dick here
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Posted 8th November 2007 13:54 IP
Quote:
funky_si wrote:
I often leave credit card bills lying around (I'm not very good at filing) and wouldn't be bothered if they were read - else I wouldn't leave them lying around ... ...
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Indeed. After all, there are only so many varieties of "The Adventures of Grandmaster Flash on the Wheels of Steel" that one can purchase each month.
For the millionth time, stop exaggerating !
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funky_si
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Posted 8th November 2007 13:56 IP
Quote:
Dick here wrote:
Indeed. After all, there are only so many varieties of "The Adventures of Grandmaster Flash on the Wheels of Steel" that one can purchase each month.
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I think I need another. I loaned one of mine out yesterday to a colleague who is spending a couple of days in Bradford, and who wanted something to play on the journey there and back ...
RE 1974-2011. Gone but never forgotten.
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Cleo
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Posted 14th November 2007 15:47 IP
We're just sorting this out at the moment.
Before we bought the new house it worked out that OH lived at my place, I paid all the mortgage and bills because it was my place and he was just staying there (7 days a week). He would pay for all of our theatre tickets, about half of our eating out expenses, his own day to day expenses plus his music related expenditure and we would go halves on holidays and short breaks. I earn more than him and we checked with each other regularly whether we felt we had satisfaction with our financial arrangments and we were both happy with how we did things.
Very early in our relationship we got to the point at which I would say, O I've got no cash and he would just hand over a wad of money to me (do all men take out £100-plus a time at the cash machine?).
Now we have set up a joint account and are in the process of transferring our expenditure to it. All money will go in. We'll both have savings in each of our names as these are already set up, but the money saved will be both of ours. We'll just continue to draw out money as and when it is needed - the only proviso we have made is that if either of us decides to spend more than £200 in one go we'll call the other to let them know.
Pragmatically, the money he had available in cash for a deposit on the house was almost one third of the value and effectively I contribute two thirds to his one third to the monthly expenses (including mortgage) so our arrangement feels quite neat.
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Dick here
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Posted 14th November 2007 16:00 IP
Why the need to check up with the other person, Cleo ? Does trust only extend to a maximum of £200 ?
For the millionth time, stop exaggerating !
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Cleo
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Posted 14th November 2007 16:23 IP
Quote:
Dick here wrote:
Why the need to check up with the other person, Cleo ? Does trust only extend to a maximum of £200 ?
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Its not about trust. I didn't say anything about 'checking up', I said 'call the other person to let them know'. We thought it would be wise just in case the other person had decided to splash out on a big ticket item at the same time. We're still working this out, Dick. Since I wrote the post a few more things occured to me:
1) we would have sufficient 'slush' in our account to cover us up to a few thou before going overdrawn so £200 might not be the right checking amount.
2) If either of us were planning to buy a big ticket item we probably would have discussed it before.
3) I am used to being extravagant and being able to buy things that I want. I have made large spontaneous purchases in the past but I don't think its fair to continue doing that now that its 'our money'.
We happily talk about the plans for our financial arrangements and no doubt these will evolve. I'm pleased that we have the starting point that its 'our money'. I think this will work for us.
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