Methadone Anonymous Forums / BUPRENORPHINE/SUBOXONE / Archives / 01-18-2008 / 9th Day of Suboxone Withdrawal - HELP!!!

Topie: 9th Day of Suboxone Withdrawal - HELP!!!
September 3rd, 2005 01:30 AM
TLeeves Hi there,

I have been watching these posts for the past week and felt it was finally time for me to share my story as I am now on Day 7 of withdrawal from 4 mgs/day of Suboxone. Day 1-6 were pure hell; goose bumps, headache, the runs, absolutely no energy, you name it! I cried for 5 days straight all along trying to make my 10 & 15 yr. old boys think I had the flu. It was tough and still is but I'm here to tell you that it can be done. I am starting to feel better today, find myself laughing "really" laughing! The runs just won't go away and I am down 11 lbs since last Wednesday, which is not necessarily a bad thing...lol!

I just wanted to post to tell anyone out there that you can do it if you really want it and you have to stick to it! Now, I'm going to start going to NA meetings because the last thing I want is to relapse (I see so many people here do) and I am terrified of doing that. You see, my mom was a heroin addict almost my entire life and she passed away three years ago from hepatitis a & c and complete organ failure. I sat in that hospital for 10 days and watched her die. Of course, I was taking anything I could get my hands on to ease my pain and there you go.....I too was hooked!! I never thought it would happen to me...a professional woman, happy family, great husband and I blew it!! Thank god my husband is supportive and is trying in every way he can to help me get through this, even if it's just holding me while I cry for all that I have lost these past three years!

I am sooo determined that I am not going to end up like my mom because of these stupid friggen' pills and I am now taking back control of my own life and you can too!!

Best wishes to all of you....stick with it and you will prevail!!!

<B>UPDATE: It is now day 9 and I feel like crying all the time!! Am I just starting to feel again? I <font color=red>NEED</font> support right now because I don't know if I can do this!! I know I've made it 9 days but I am so tired and rundown, lost 11 lbs now and can't stop crying. How is this better than a happy day in paradise?! Please help with some encouraging words on why I should continue this hell and how much longer it will last? I am determined not to give up but it is also sooo easy to just take a Suboxone and make all this pain go away!!</B>

Below is the link to my mom's story "One Patient's Story by Bobbi Dolloff", for anyone that is interested as I know many of you have had to fight the Methadone system back in the late 90's:

http://www.druglibrary.org/schaffer/heroin/methadone/dont/v3_n12.htm#Patient's
:(
September 3rd, 2005 08:20 AM
sharonver TLeaves,

We have spoken to each other thru email, but I still wanted to post to say hello and give some support.. Can you tell me a little bit about your taper-detox? You say you were on 4 mgs, what was the taper schedule like? Is this 9 days without sub at all or at a decreased dose? Even when I tapered from methadone I didn't get the runs and loose weight. How fast did you taper? I have read that sub tapering is supppose to be much easier that methadone. Sounds like you are really having a tough time!!! It has to start getting better real soon, I wouldn't give up now, you are sooo close to home!!!
September 3rd, 2005 09:37 AM
TLeeves Hi Sharon,

Yes, we have spoken a little in email and I really thank you for that....just the few words of encouragement have helped so much. Basically, my story is that I was on Oxycontin 80mg/day, Percocet 15mgs/day and a small Methadone habit for a short time, spanning over a 2 1/2 yr. period. In December I decided it was time to try Suboxone as a friend of mine went to a dr. and got it and it was working for him. Of course, I did not want it in my medical record so I bought them from that friend as well as another person I knew that was taking it.

Before I realized it, we were in August and I was feeling crappy by nighttime so I increased my dose to 6 mgs/day (4 morning & 2 nite). A very good friend from work knew what I was going through and noticed that the Suboxone was making me "race around the office" and she said that I just was not me anymore. That's what started my detox - the next day I handed the rest of my Suboxone to my husband and told him I am DONE!!! So, sorry to say, no taper and no doctor's care....:-(

Today is day 10 and I am starting to feel a little better. The crying is just me feeling again I think and it's hard as hell! I never really dealt with my mom's death cause I was in a fog and now it's time to and I feel like it was just yesterday, not to mention the "guilt" of letting this happen to myself. She was a heroin addict and I always prided myself because all I did was smoke pot once in awhile...never got into anything heavier than that.

So, I think the worst may be over in terms of withdrawal but the tough part is just beginning for me. I am going to try going to a meeting soon...my mom always said that was the 1st step in the recovery process, to get yourself to a meeting!

Thanks for the words of support Sharon!
September 3rd, 2005 02:51 PM
Bobby Hi T-Leeves,

I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. I do not know you but I can FEEL your pain in your words. I know I may be out of place here but I would just like to throw my 2 cents of support in.
I feel for you, and from one stranger to another, I would like to be here for you. It is a very brave thing that you are doing---one that I hope to do very soon. I think you are 10 days ahead of where a lot of us would want to be. Stay strong, and I don't know if your a God fearing person or not, but try picking up a bible and just open a page. Sometimes (almost always for me) you can relate to something very well in the bible.
Be strong and stay with us and let us know how your doing. I, for one, would like to be here for you the whole way.

God Speed~~

Bobby
September 3rd, 2005 03:58 PM
TLeeves Thanks so much for your support Bobby! Funny, my mom's name was "Bobbi"?? I certainly am not a god fearing person...been begging the higher power and my mom to help me do this for the past 10 days and so far, so good. I actually think I am starting on the upswing so to speak as today was my first day going out with my family to do something fun. Of course, after two hours of shopping at the outlets I had to say "let's go". I am now heading to bed for the usual 2-3 hour nap! The exhaustion that you feel is the worst part. You keep waiting for the day that your energy level will go up and it hasn't yet, which is very discouraging! Not to mention the emotional roller coaster and having to let my kids down because we were supposed to go to Six Flags tomorrow but I just know I can't handle that yet. I promised next weekend but I think they are used to mom's meaningless "promises". But this time I mean it, come hell to high water, I will not let them down next weekend.

Ok, off for my nap! Thanks again for replying to my post....I need all the help and support I can get right now and that is why I posted. Also, to help others know that it can be done!! 10 DAYS TODAY!!

God Bless!
September 3rd, 2005 04:26 PM
Bobby Hey T-Leeves,

I know all about letting our kids down! I, too, have two little girls, ages nine and six. I have let them down so many times in the past, and continue to do so. I am not abusive, nor neglectful, but I often do make promises I cannot keep.

THAT is one of the best reasons I know that will ultimately get me through the rough parts. TLeeves, I think that ultimately it would be MUCH better to let them down for a few weeks, heck----even a few months, if you would be there for them the rest of the time.

I am starting on my bupe therapy on Tuesday, I have been on Methdone for about a decade now, and life is like (to me anyway) spinning my wheels. I'm not getting anywhere, so I am going to try bupe and see if I can tape down after a month or so and just step off. It is encouraging to know that somebody here is actually doing that----and I hope that you do make it.

I am not a God fearing person either, but in times I do open the bible, and it is amazing just how many things that I can relate to, especially when coming down.
Hang in there TLeeves, you are 10 days into it---just hang on to that thought. And your kids---I would keep pictures of them very close by! Every time you think you may need to take a pill---look at those pictures......

Keep letting us know how you are doing and be strong!!!

God Speed~~

Bobby
September 5th, 2005 12:01 AM
Carol
Hi, Guys!! TLeeves..........



I am not a Buprenorphine "maven", but sure do wish you would have had some sort of taper, TL. Without being tapered down properly.....I do not know how long it's going to take to feel well again. However......we do have a couple people that ARE experts and I'm going to give them a head's up about your post so they can come here and "talk" to you. Also.....I suggest that you come to "Dr. Marc's" page and make the same post that you originally did and see what he has to say! Dr. Marc is a PhD in Clinical Psychology and has worked with patients for over 30 years. He is currently the director of 4 clinics and knows his shit! He has his own page where he answers questions. Please go there and take advantage of him! Here's the link......

http://www.methadonesupport.org/DrMarc.html

I hope that you'll check by often, darlin......sounds like you can use alot of support right now and that's what we're here for! Remember....when you post what's going on with you.....someone is always reading and is going thru the same things!

Take good care! smooooooooch.......Carol
September 5th, 2005 05:56 PM
Me I would also like to say WELCOME!! I think you are brave for sharing your story, and asking for support. I know I learned something from your posts. All I can say, really, is to hang in there!!!!! You are almost over the hump. Try to stop "counting the days"... give yourself all the time you need to get better. Just do it day by day, ya know? It'll probably be a good month until you feel just right! Just let it unfold. I know, I know...easier said than done! :) I am so scared to even attempt a detox. I won't be doing that for quite some time. I still have so much work to do on myself, and I need to stay sober for that, and the methadone helps me stay sober. So, we are so here for you. When you are hurting, crawling out of your skin, or just plain old happy...we're here!!!!!

Jennifer
September 7th, 2005 05:27 PM
varnua The problem with tapering and maintenance, besides the fact that it should be done under a doctor's confidential care, is that typically, after tapering, the opiate addiction returns. I am recommending to anyone not to do it on your own. Contact a Bup MD right away. Your form of self tapering is not working well. The idea of tapering properly is not to rush it so that you are having problems or are in pain. Somehow this has escaped you.

Was anyone shoving you towards the taper? You mentioned NA? Perhaps another person? Typically, such persons have no idea of the facts about tapering and the sucess ratio or other dangers. See below.

Opiate addiction is a chronic relapsing disease.

I wonder if you have other problems that might be related to the opiate use? It is said that about 60% of the MMT patients have mental health issues. You mightbe surprised that a person with Bipolar is 14.5 times as likely as the average person to be a substance abuser. 10.5 for schizophrenia and 4 for major depression. (source: DRA Handbook)

I would suggest that you attend MA meetings. They are friendly towards maintenance and taper and not using anything anymore. You are here already.

Also, it can be important to realize that the death rate is double that of the regular using opiate addict after someone tapers when they relapse because they think they have a high tolerance and take too much. Then too, is the portendt of needles and disease transfers.

If there is a next time, please do it under a MD's supervision. In fact, if you are having problems you should see a Bup MD and do the taper right.

And to those who give away their pills. STOP IT. Tell the person to go to an approved Buprenorphine MD.

Why? You are setting up the potential for buprenorphine to have tighter controls on take homes. Remember, the mix of Bup with some other drugs can kill. A Bup cocktail can set up a world of difficulty for Bup patients as well as for the donor or the person who sells his or her Buprenorphine.

Also, the right dose of Buprenorphine is important. Self medication may be a problem for a person who is not seeing an approved MD. They may not know that there are circumstances that call for reduction or increases in medication.

i.e. St. Johns Wort may reduce the effectiveness of methadoine by up to 48%.

To get an idea of the facts of tapering, please see "Thinking of Tapering" at page 2 of www.ARMMAT.org

Take good care of yourself. You are worth it.

If by some chance you do OK... please remember that most will not and their chances are not good at all. Just because you did it does not mean that other can. That statement. "If I can do it so can you." is not appropriate. Telling them the truth and where to go to get medical help is very important.

George





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September 7th, 2005 10:40 PM
TLeeves Thanks to all who have responded these past few days!! It was so nice to log in tonight and read those posts.

These past few days have been tough still (ie. diarhea, shivers, sheer exhaustion) but I am still hanging in there determined not to relapse as you are correct George, it did kill my mom the second time around. She was a herion addict and I recently found out that I was born addicted to herion and had to be detoxed in the hospital. So, I guess that made me predispositioned to drug abuse in some form?! Anyway, I do not want to be one of the people that relapse's and have already contacted my medical carrier (confidentially of course) to get some recommended "Drug Counselors" in my area. I know I should be at meetings but it is still hard for me to accept that I am just like "them", if that makes any sense at all? My husband says I don't make much sense lately....lol! I think I am past the worst of it now but the hardest part has just begun for me....staying clean and understanding what made me become an addict in the first place. Was it just that I couldn't deal with my mom's death or was that just my excuse for using? I really don't know but would sure like to find out so it doesn't happen again! The pain, guilt, shame and everything that goes with it has all come to the surface now and most times I just cry. I still can't eat much at all...down 13 lbs now in 15 days. I'm hungry but when I do eat, it just goes right throuugh me so what's the use?! I am taking a Multi-Vitamin and trying to drink the Vitamin drinks but that's about all I can do at the moment. I am now back at work (after the four day weekend).....usually calling my husband at home to cry in his ear for all that I have done to our family! He is about ready to send me packing...just kidding! He's a great husband and will be there for me as long as it takes.

And to Carol, thanks for your kind and supportive words...just in time! I will definitely drop by Dr. Marc's page and make the same post as you suggested. Thanks again for that information!

George, I did not mean to say that "if I can do it anyone can" because you are right and that is not true....I've seen that first hand unfortunately. Although, I do credit Methadone with saving my mother's life and giving us 10 loving years with her before she passed away in February 2003. She was a big advocate of Methadone, was involved with NAMA and fought for every patient's rights that she could take on! Her IQ was that of a genius and she could have been so many other things than what she became but I loved her unconditionally and that is why it was so painful for me when she did pass away from Hepatitis A & C with complete liver, lung and heart failure....10 days of hell that I never wish to go through again. BUT, I know she is with me now helping me every step of the way!

Thanks for welcoming me in with open arms...I definitely needed this tonight!
September 8th, 2005 08:44 AM
sharonver TLeaves,

No wonder you were feeling so bad!!!! I had no idea you stopped cold turkey!!! Its really too bad that you didn't do a slow taper, it would have been much less painful for you. But whats done is done, and being at 10 days is great!!! It shouldn't be that much longer before you start getting your energy back and feeling better. Be prepared though in case you have some mental issues, sometimes the mental aspect of addiction is just as difficult as the physical. So make sure you attend groups or have some kind of on-going support. Good Luck TLeaves, you did a lot better than I would have done!!!
October 18th, 2005 09:15 AM
chase i have started a group to rate the care and practices of buprenorphine (suboxone) doctors.. The name is Suboxone support.
www.subuxonesuport@yahoogroups.com
thanks
PC
October 18th, 2005 02:01 PM
Carol Hi, Paul.....thanks so much. There was too much going on at the other forum with Michel, but usually I welcome everybody. Soooooo......you ready?? LOL.........



I was glad to see a post by you telling everyone that we should remain here after Michel leaves so we can talk about things......or something like that, lol! You know that *I* think that's a GREAT idea! If you want......why not put your link in your "signature"!

Hope we see you often! smoooooooch......Carol
October 19th, 2005 11:24 AM
Huis How is this better than a happy day in paradise?! Please help with some encouraging words on why I should continue this hell and how much longer it will last? I am determined not to give up but it is also sooo easy to just take a Suboxone and make all this pain go away!!</B>
]

What is it, exactly, that you fear about going slower, in your withdrawal? It seems like you will get where you want to be, soon. If it is a couple of weeks later, but you are not so distressed, that would be a good idea.