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Mori X
That girl your parents don't want you to become
Posts: 2532
Registered: Apr 2006 |
 Posted 02-05-09 02:48 AM IP   
I decided that since I hadn't worked on it in FOREVER I should make a new thread for it and repost the updated version along with some updates. I've been in the business of digging out my unfinished projects and trying to get them out of the creative mud and back on track. SO, here is is! The working title is 'The Blind Angel and the Serpent', but that is subject to change.
The belief that religion is a requirement of morality stinks of sociopathy...
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Mori X
That girl your parents don't want you to become
Posts: 2532
Registered: Apr 2006 |
Posted 02-05-09 02:51 AM IP
I
They say it’s sweet as whiskey or as innocent as wine
This tale of two strange angels whisper-kissed across the times
One was named Aurora, one Minerva the blind
These two were star-crossed lovers and as a token and a sign
At the dawn they formed the glare that makes the Morningstar shine
But this day bore no beauty on the cliffs by heaven's shore
The field congealed and bloody from the battle in the war
Our angels stood in silence as young Aerol coughed and swore
His wound was deep and seeping from the blow of Erig's sword
"I may be outnumbered..." Demon Erig said with pride
"But my fingers reach beyond this shell of body which is mine
Thou might takest blade and slay me, but I say thou shalt get thine
I will hunt thy hearts and crush them, take thy wings and then thy lives."
Minerva scoffed, Aurora giggled, both seized their swords and stabbed
Erig choked and winced then smiled and maniacally he laughed
The angels slashed and bludgeoned 'til Erig's laughter had passed on
Aerol stared and glared still bleeding until he too was gone
II
Many moons had come and gone now since Erig's life had passed
But the victory of our heroes like most ne'er can last
Erig's soul had sewn a serpent with the desperate spell it cast
He entered serpent’s body, with new eyes he saw his task
"I must travel to the mountain, and there shall seek the smith
He will forge for me my destiny, my vengeance shall come swift!"
The serpent slid up heaven's mountain, but his journey all in vain
His body tossed by frosty breeze and silk skin chilled by frigid rain
Demon Erig sensed disaster, in his slender scales he froze
When he saw a girl still just norther on the winding mountain road
He called unto the maiden "My lady, hear my prayer
I am angel cursed by demons, trapped in serpent’s skin up here
And I seek to find the smith so he may forge me feathered wings
I might then return to heaven and to hell my vengeance bring"
The maiden heard his cries and being sly she smiled and lured
"If indeed thee be an angel, what then be my reward?"
Erig pondered for a moment then his frown turned into grin
"I can offer to thee greatness, power and riches beyond all men"
I'll spin for thee a spell with which thy world thou wilt then see
From the clouds within the heavens to the roots beneath the trees
Save me now and I shall call thee at the striking chime of three
Wait ten months and then ten nights, an angel will then come to thee
Take the gift which she deliv’reth, for that angel shall be me
The maiden puzzled for a moment and wondered for a bit
But then she took sly Erig on her gnarled walking stick
The serpent then said "Maiden, I shall speak unto thee plain
From my soul I humbly thank thee, wouldst thou speak to me thy name?"
"Aglaurus is my title, couldst thou tell unto me thine?"
Serpent cooed "It is a secret, angel's name is like a shrine."
They came to peak of mountain, and Aglaurus saw great walls
There a dragon stood on guard before gate's iron jaws
Erig said "Aglaurus leave, I swear my word that I'll return
Upon the day and time past said I'll give thee eyes which are well earned
Aglaurus placed the demon in the dirt and then she turned
She kissed the turning times and then within her longing burned
Erig slithered past the dragon, Aglaurus smiled to herself
For the maiden had a plan which she did mutter 'neath her breath
"Fear not, o twisted serpent, I'll hold thee to thy word
And with eyes which thou wilt give me, thy powers I'll procure..."
III
The sordid tale of Erig shall be told in course and time
But for a moment turn thy eyes upon Minerva the blind
This moment was ten sunsets since serpent lay on mountainside
And the angel contemplated 'neath the glow of full moon night
She heard the sound of footsteps shuffling through the clover in the field
And Minerva rose and listened to a whisper layered like steel
"Fear not, my dear Minerva" Stranger's silken speech began
"I have not come to harm thee, but there are some who might and can
Thou slewest wizard Erig and on his death he casteth spell
And thou shalt bear a child cursed to Erig’s task fulfill
When this son can bear a blade thy ending he shall surely seal"
The angel, silent for a moment, then grinned and giggled at the scene
"I've never touched a man for if I did I'd lose my wings"
"Indeed" replied the stranger, and though she could not see
Minerva felt his grin like fox and hen con-trov-ersy
"Thy son is now within thee, grown from seeds of demon's tricks
The writing’s on the wall, thy fate cut plainly in its bricks
Cast this child from the heavens, for if his birth be known
They’ll slay thy son and slash thy wings and let hell's demons strip thy bones"
"Thy words are vile slander, and thou shalt hold thy tongue"
Minerva said with fervor "I shall not produce a son"
The stranger said "My lady, these things shall come to pass
But if thou wilt be stubborn, I've not come to break an ass
I bid thee fair adieu and with fair warning say farewell
And shall return to see thee mother at the start of winter's chill
IV
In two months Minerva knew the stranger's prophecy was right
And she turned and clutched Aurora, her wings shivering in fright
"My love, I am with child though the doing not my own
It is whispered demon Erig with his tricks this seed has sown"
Aurora trembled too for she did know Minerva's ways
Already once before Minerva touched a mortal maid
Aurora closed her eyes and gathered words in mental nets
She stared, with care, prepared them, and put them to the test
"Minerva, I shall trust thee, but we must this secret keep
For shouldst thou fall from heaven, only havoc shall I wreak
We must slay this tainted child, tear his body from thy womb."
"Pray nay!" screamed young Minerva "Instead let mortals be his tomb
We shall send him from the heavens, he'll be raised a simple man"
Aurora said "I warn thee, thou shalt die by thy son's hand"
V
To further tell this story, short digression must be made
For I must inform thy knowledge of the stranger angel ways
Angels come not from the heavens, nay they go hence from the earth
Mortals chosen as successors gain angelic rite of birth
In the light they follow laws, and one of these is spawn no child
But they tend to be as honest as a crocodilian smile
They retain their mortal passions, they retain their mortal spark
An angel’s only as angelic as a devil in the dark
VI
Lord of angels was called Geire, many years he was on throne
But a darkness in his mind did cloud what wisdom he had known
Geire’s heart was for Minerva and was blackened by his lust
For secretly he seethed that she was tuned to woman’s touch
He required a successor, Geire’s hair was growing grey
But he scoffed and coughed and spitted at the sons of mortal maids
One night a stranger came to see him in a hood and in a cloak
He said, “I know thy passions Geire.” And Geire’s silence broke
“If thou dost know what thou dost claim then, tell, why dost thou come to me?
With this scandaled accusation, thou might bringest down a king.”
Then replied the stranger who held out a wooden chest
“I seek none of thy power, nor the riches thou possess’t
“Minerva will not have thee, for she hath love divine
But if thou wilt appease me, her son might soon be thine”
“Thou speakest only nonsense, Minerva’s womb is pure
She will not touch a man, indeed of that I am most sure.”
The stranger’s laugh was wicked as he tapped the box he held
“Thou wilt see my words come true as I have spun a sultry spell
Look upon this box, within a child might be grown
It is here that thy fair angel spawns the future of thy throne
Thou shalt go into the cottage when Minerva is alone
And thou canst use thy mighty hand within to have thyself a son”
VII
Two more months were gone now, Minerva's womb swelled out with child
Aurora said to her blind lover "thy mother's torso thou must hide
But know I shall protect thee, shall post haste go see the smith
Who shall fashion thee a method to bear the child thou art with"
So Aurora kissed Minerva preened her wings and took her flight
Minerva listened to her lover as she dissolved into the night
Minerva lay upon her Mat and heard a rap upon her door
"Who hath come upon my homestead?" Minerva hissed with hints of scorn
"Tis I Geire lord of angels, I have come to visit thee
I am tired and ask a moment of thy hospitality."
"Very well" replied Minerva as she rose to greet her guest
Geire quickly entered saying "There's a matter to address
I know thou art a mother and thus thou art not pure
And were I to arrest thee, thou wouldst lose thine wings, therefore
I ask thee for thy child, I would raise it as mine own
And when he is of age, he then shall sit on heaven's throne"
Minerva choked as she was breathing her thoughts consumed by fear
For she knew he could destroy her and all she held so dear
Minerva smirked at Geire who was basking in her leer
And she said "This is my son and I'll warn thee to disappear
For this curse is mine to bear and thou art daft to come with schemes
Now quit my cottage and my presence I bid good night and better dreams"
"Very well" rasped back lord Geire "But be warned thyself as well
I'll return in seven months and I'll condemn thy soul to hell."
And with that lord Geire left then with a slam of cottage door
And from there returned Minerva to her mat upon the floor
VIII
We turn now to Aurora as she reached the peak of cliff
Gave her regards to gatekeep dragon and went hence to seek the smith
His shop shoddy, shunned, in shambles, and the air was full with smoke
And his anvil proudly thundered as the steel was bent and broke
The smith was known to be an ally for all who pay his price
Thus Aurora spoke to tell of her dilemma in precise
Smith's thunder strokes were silent and instead he stroked his beard
"For this duty, dear Aurora, no treasure may be spared"
Aurora said "I'll pay thee and thank thee well in kind
Pray what shall be the treasure which thou hast within thy mind?"
"The blade of wizard Erig is the treasure which I ask
If thou bringest hence to me I shall perform this weighty task"
The Angel stroked her hair and quickly said "I shall accept
I'll collect that bastard's blade, I swear my promise shall be kept"
The smith said "Very well, then I shall tell thee of my plan
But know if thou shouldst falter, only failure greets thy hand"
Smith handed her a dagger and said "Tis called Chitarimuun
Pierces flesh but draws no blood so thou canst open lover's womb"
And with that the smith was gone and he returned then with a chest
Saying "Place the child here in secret, for with magic it was blessed
Minerva's son shall stay within six months and be then fully made
And in this time when he is ready thou must take him far away
For if he is to be an angel, he must not be killed at birth
He must be raised with hands of mortals, thou must take this box to earth
Though fear not for of a cottage and three sisters I do know
They'll raise thy son to manhood when he'll return to heaven's glow."
Aurora said "I thank thee, and to Minerva I shall go
And when the child has been born I shall return with sword in tow"
Aurora then departed with chest and Chitarimuun
And from the floor there smirked a serpent in the corner of the room
IX
When home back at the cottage Aurora told her love the news
Of the box and of the blade the smith had bade the two to use
Minerva asked then of Aurora Chitarimuun from silver sheath
and on her arm then with the dagger slashed a circle through her sleeve
Not a drop of precious blood trickled hence down angel's arm
She winced quickly from the wounding which had left behind a scar
She approached it with her tongue and then she tasted of the cut
And said softly to her lover "Narry single drop of blood."
In scant passing of some moments, the stab soon healed to flesh
And Aurora gently opened silken robe and oaken chest
Minerva lay down silent, clutched bare shoulders deep in fright
"Pray be gentle, my Aurora, with thy bloodless carving knife"
Aurora kissed her lover's belly "Dev’lish blade but gentle lips
As I slice to fetch thy son, I promise thee I shall do this
For each cut upon thy skin I'll place one like it on mine own
From this moment to his end I too am mother to thy son."
And with that the talk was over, Aurora did her grizzly deed
And the child placed in chest to hold the blind Minerva's stead
Aurora cut her body likewise, they both nursed their bloodless wounds
Which with the morning sun were scars of Chitarimuun
X
Smith's charms had worked quite well, Aurora knew she must repay
With the passing of three suns she went to seek dead Erig's blade
Her weary wings were wilting when she reached the battlefield
Where first she'd fought with Erig, knowing not the blow he'd deal
She sank onto her knees as she saw the littered bones
The weapons spent and sundered, forgot by all but poems
From decay there rose a figure, light encircling its form
And from a stab there in its side Aurora saw the wizard's sword
As the figure's face came closer, she saw fallen Aerol's ghost
He spoke unto our angel, dust diffusing from his throat
"I greet thee, fair Aurora, but I ask why hast thou come
To view the fallow meadows of my ever-restless tomb?"
She said "I greet thee well, and with a mission I've arrived
To pluck up Erig's blade and give as pay for lover's life"
"Thou knowst not what thou wouldst do" fallen Aerol sternly warned
The wizard be alive and thus my soul is chained and charmed
Until the demon has been slain between the worlds I ever stride
With his laughter in my eardrums and his sword within my side"
Aurora said "I pray thee, tell how I might draw the blade
From thy body to my hands so debt to Smith can hence be paid"
Aerol said "thou canst remove it though it be in but one way
Thou must swear to me a vow on angel's oath this very day
And if thou dost accept, the blade is free to be thy thrall
Thou must keep this vow in full lest down to hell thy soul shall fall"
Aurora said "I'll vow" and then she fell onto one knee
And Aerol said "Then very well, I pass this burden onto thee
This blade is in thy care, and thou must give it but to one
The only hand which now may wield it be the one on heaven's throne
Thou canst place thy hand upon it and draw thy loathsome sword
But if thou shouldst reach to take it pass it on to heaven's lord"
Aurora thought, quite puzzled then reached to grab the hilt
Pulled Erig's weapon from its host soaked in the silver blood it spilt
And with brilliant flash of azure Aerol hence returned to flesh
His wounds were closed in instants and his lungs returned to breath
Aurora sheathed the demon's sword then grabbed another from the ground
She said "One is like another, this blade is finely made and sound
I'll blow the dust from the engravings and polish hilt to tip
there be no reason this fine weapon should not serve to suit the smith"
And with that the two departed to fly back into their grove
Poor clever fair young spidress, she knew not the web she wove
XI
Suns and moons were quickly passing and soon six months were gone
Winter's breath now filled Minerva as she sat this night alone
When through window came a tapping and a whisper thick with rasp
"I see thou art not startled, as my foretelling came to pass"
Twas the voice of unnamed stranger who had told her of her child
Minerva said "Do please come in, enjoy the comfort of my fire"
Stranger heeded angel's words and came within to sit at hearth
Hostess said "I'll bring thee wine and we shall drink to winter's start"
But when she handed he a glass he sniffed and puzzled at his fate
Would she deliver to him poison, thus send him through lord Hades' gate?
Stranger said "My lady, first, one thing I must ask of thee
Trade thy goblet for the goblet thou hast handed unto me"
Minerva's breath caught in her belly, Stranger saw into her plot
She extended her left hand and thus the goblets soon were swapped
Her feet twitched ‘neath ankles, her heart twitched ‘neath her robes
As she sipped the slender goblet and then heard the stranger groan
His body struck the hearthstones as he strangled like a swine
Minerva said unto him darkly "Goblet poisoned wasn't thine"
She sipped to drain her glass then turned to fetch more winter wine
As angel turned the stranger grasped and pulled angel toward the fire
The stranger yanked, Minerva struggled, and a wheezy voice now said
"Thou thinkest thyself sly now thou shalt burn 'til thou art dead."
Minerva's hand fell on the sheath which held the knife Chitarimuun
Blind girl's blade met with his shoulder and she heard the stranger's croon
With that the stranger struck her, fled as quickly as he could
And when Minerva felt the floor, she found her knife had drawn his blood
She remained upon her knees and clutched Chitarimuun at breast
And through the open door tore Geire, angel lord with sneer professed
"I've returned for thee, Minerva, give thy son or face arrest"
Minerva then resolved to put the smith’s charm to the test
Blind angel with defiance said "No child was born of me
My womb lies bare, my breasts are dry, my body can't mother's be"
Geire spat "Thou art a liar! Thee wench, thee whore, thee knave
I'll find thine child for mineself and bring thee shackled as a slave"
But though lord Geire looketh ‘neath mat and stone and floor
He could not find the sacred box with sacred son it grew and bore
Geire snarled at Minerva "I'll show thee pain untold or known
I'll break thy bones and flay thy skin until thou tellst me of thy son
XII
Aurora came shack, obliged herself to enter door
She called, "Sir, Smith?" Into the dark and ran her eyes through empty store
Alone upon a table candle flickered to and fro
the flame so faintly flailing caught serpent's eye within its glow
The serpent said "Well met, Aurora" Erig's head rose from his coils
"Thy tongue is serpent's more than mine, thou art not good nor art thou loyal
Smith trusted thee with task and thou wouldst bring to him a fraud
Imposter in thy scabbard resemblest not Lord Erig's sword"
The angel's jaw, it quivered as her tongue behind her teeth
She thought to slay the serpent with the blade tucked into sheath
Aurora's face formed smile and she stepped before the snake
"Thou wouldst deny an angel's word? For this indeed be Erig's blade!"
Her hand strayed to her sheath and in a blink she drew and slashed
But serpent's form had vanished in a smoke befuddled flash
She heard a moan within the muddle and angel proudly struck again
A spray of blood met with her face, but when cloud cleared she saw her sin
On the shack's cold wooden floor she saw a body limply lie
With two limping angel's wings and Erig's sword within his side...
Aurora stepped toward Aerol and she said "This cannot be
For an oath within the field I swore and liberated thee"
Aerol's face turned on its side and its facade was that of Smith
Who spoke unto Aurora "Thy swordsmaid's hand be quick
Mayhaps if maiden's wisdom were an equal to her sword
She wouldst have a child as accomplished task's reward
Instead thy blinded lover lies ravished, lashed, and beat
And thy son in his chest taken as a spoil of defeat"
As the Smith spoke to the swordsmaid, Erig crept behind and struck
Fangs and venoms in her shoulder, angel quivered, crooned, and shook
From his post upon the floorboards impostered Aerol rose and drew
Erig poised to strike again, Aurora stood with strength anew
As the smith stabbed at her chest and serpent bared his fangs behind
Aurora struck the stabber's hand and thrust her knee into his side
Smith's severed thumb fell to the ground and it was followed by his sword
He struck Aurora fast and Erig pulled her to the floor
She slashed deftly at the serpent, Erig ducked beneath the blade
And as he did Aurora turned it and the flat struck serpent's head
His coils quickly loosened as he fell so sharply down
The smith drew out his hammer, Aurora rolled for better ground
Smith's severed thumb had vanished and from stump had grown anew
Healed as though she slashed him with bloodless knife Chitarimuun
Aurora felt the venom coursing through her flurried blood
And she knew she was outmatched, by hardy two to poisoned one
The smith summoned a spell and cast its light upon the maid
Silk tendrils bound her hands and feet, she fell and helplessly she lay
"We could cut her neck and hang her from her feet to bleed to death"
Came the silken tongued suggestion of the silk spell spinning smith
"Nay, my curt companion, thy method be too kind
Instead we leave her lying, from my venom shall she die
On first day it saps the strength, on second taints the blood in full
And then coursing through her veins the blood of demons taints her soul
On the third day she shall perish as the sun sets on the hill
And eternally damn she to spend the aeons lost in hell"
And so the first day passed, Aurora's struggling had ceased
Our angel's spirit, broken, was as wilted as her wings
The venom slowly slew her as she suffered, snagged in silk
And she mumbled, "In two days, when sun sets upon the hill..."
Serpent slithered slyly toward her, flicked his tongue across her cheek
And cooed "I'll tell to thee a tale and lull thee down to tortured sleep...
Once there was a man, Telmah, with vengeance he had swore
Who had but single chance to slay that man with blow of sword
But Telmah chose not to kill him, for in that time he was at prayer
Telmah could not let him die with soul so freshly cleansed and cleared
Telmah stabbed his lover's father, forsook his lover ‘til her death
His vengeance conquered all and in the end he slew that wretch
Telmah was also slain by venomed wound within his side
See thee now, my dear Aurora, in two days thou shalt not die
When thy blood has turned to demon's, I'll cure thee of thy ail
For the vengeance I have planned be not as merciful as hell
I'll throw thee on the rocks, thou canst return to home in shame
And in time I'll come to kill thee; know that Erig is my name..."
(Edited by Mori X)
The belief that religion is a requirement of morality stinks of sociopathy...
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Mori X
That girl your parents don't want you to become
Posts: 2532
Registered: Apr 2006 |
Posted 02-05-09 02:51 AM IP
That's all the old work, just in case you wanted to refresh your memory. Here's the new stuff:
The belief that religion is a requirement of morality stinks of sociopathy...
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Mori X
That girl your parents don't want you to become
Posts: 2532
Registered: Apr 2006 |
Posted 02-05-09 02:52 AM IP
XIII
Minerva shivered on the floorstones, cold searing in her wounds
Rubbed frozen tears from blinded eyes and then she hummed a dirgish tune
Her form was splayed, abraded, marked by rope and lash and burn
Locked in dungeons ruled by Geire and at night he would return
She tried to sense Aurora to think of love alone
But the love song in her heart had been replaced by dirgish tones
They dirged within her eardrums they dirged upon her lips
They dirged within her brain and in the frigid air she sipped
Her robe lay torn and tattered and it rested by her feet
But her spirit seemed too crushed to think beyond the cruelty
She cared not for being modest and cared not for bitter cold
She cared only for her conscience as it dragged its filthy load
In that moment came a turning in the lock upon her door
And she knew Lord Geire’d come to cast more mis’ry onto her
She was weak from cold and hunger and her wounds all stung afresh
And she said unto her captor, “Pig, come hither, claim thy flesh
For my child hath been taken, and I know not where he’s gone
Since thou wilt not believe me, take thy whip and carry on
Thou canst mock and cut and beat me, thou canst do so ‘til the dawn
But I say unto thee plainly thou shalt never have my son.”
His steps came ever closer but seemed lighter than recalled
And he spoke, “It is I, Aerol, come to take thee from these halls
For thy fairest wife Aurora lifted off my curs-ed death
When I found that Geire stole thee, I made haste to pay this debt
For so long as thou art living and living still am I
I’ll keep thee safe and say thy battles also hence shall too be mine.”
Minerva’s naked body clung to Aerol in relief
And she said, “My dearest friend one thing I truly ask of thee
When again we see Aurora, tell her not what hath been done
For Geire tainted purest temples with the foulness of his scum.”
Aerol wrapped her robe around her, and he tenderly agreed
He carried her to home, and there she sank in gentle sleep.
(Edited by Mori X)
The belief that religion is a requirement of morality stinks of sociopathy...
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Mori X
That girl your parents don't want you to become
Posts: 2532
Registered: Apr 2006 |
Posted 04-14-09 07:15 PM IP
XIV
Aglaurus sat there nervous, for the time it had arrived
When the serpent she had saved would come to her and bless her eye
The day it had dissolved and transformed to dead of night
Her sisters Herse and Pandrosus slept in flick’ring candle light
Just as sleep was slipping up, Aglaurus heard the timepiece chime
It chimed thrice and then it halted, like the moon her face did shine
One tapping at her doorway, a second followed suit
Aglaurus rose from resting place to see the serpent had spoke true
A woman stood before her, hood drawn around her face
Aglaurus saw the wings and marveled at the angel’s grace
“Fair greetings.” Said the angel, “I’ve come to thee at last
And now this parcel take from me so spell of seeing I might cast
But Aglaurus hear me now, and pray Aglaurus hear me well
Open not the box I give thee, it would drive thee mad with spells
The mortal kindly nodded, and the angel gave the chest
Aglaurus tried to hide her nerves; ambition searing in her breast
The angel paused a moment and then she raised her hands
Flourished wings and closed her eyes and then she started to incant
“By the magic of the heavens, by the mysteries of the earth
I give unto Aglaurus eyes so future she may search
But Aglaurus this fair gift which gladly I give unto thee
Belongest not to thee alone, thy sisters also now shall see
None shall see without the others, but thy powers great shall be
No fate escapes the eyes of the mystic sisters three.”
(Edited by Mori X)
The belief that religion is a requirement of morality stinks of sociopathy...
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Eisenhorn
BACK ON TOPIC!!!!!
Posts: 4955
Registered: May 2006 |
Posted 04-15-09 04:37 PM IP
so.....much..........text....................but i will..............get through it...............must................................finish............reading..................
If a wood chuck could chuck wood.............would anyone care?
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Mori X
That girl your parents don't want you to become
Posts: 2532
Registered: Apr 2006 |
Posted 04-15-09 06:36 PM IP
it's only ten pages, but I don't think it's nearly done.
The belief that religion is a requirement of morality stinks of sociopathy...
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Dee
Poster-boy
Posts: 57
Registered: Sep 2007 |
Posted 04-16-09 09:36 PM IP
ahhh I miss jesse poetry corner
And let the world fall into darkness so that no one goes hungry
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Mori X
That girl your parents don't want you to become
Posts: 2532
Registered: Apr 2006 |
Posted 04-17-09 10:49 AM IP
XV
Aurora came to homestead, and Minerva there did wait
Lovers kissed with deepest passions, neither speaking of past fate
Aurora saw the scabs where Geire's lash had bitten in
Bilnd angel's fingers found the wounds where Erig's fangs had entered skin
Their consciences did cringe, they thought of questions there to ask
Both deciding keep the silence and in joyous moment bask
They lay upon their mat, saved worry then for other times
For they knew what stretched before them harkened in much different lives
One angel's blood now demon's, other hunted by the king
For now they lay and kissed and coddled, set aside these horrid things
Once an hour had expired, Aurora then did speak
"Fair lover, I confess, a tortured secret I do keep
I said unto the smith that I would give to him a sword
The blade of wizard Erig, but I broke this oath swore
I honored not the smith who gave to us Chitarimuun
Oathed Erig's sword a different fate, gave smith imposter blade in lieu
I swore to fallen Aerol, to revive his tortured soul
I would take the demon's sword and to another it bestow
For he said to save his spirit, only one may bear the blade
One who sits on heaven's throne be the receiver Aerol bade."
Minerva's fear of Geire with this notion ever grew
Within her dark'ning mind did hatch a scheme to him undo
"Aurora thou art great..." blind angel subtly began
"And indeed the grey haired Geire hath become an ancient man
He hath not a single heir and hath not successor chose
If thou dost play a clever game the throne of heaven might be thine
And then to keep thy oath this blade then also shalt thou keep
For methinks thou wouldst agree such sword could find no better sheath."
Aurora said, "My lover, give this plan no further thought"
But the demon's blood within her for this seed proved fertile pot
She pondered on the plan and pondered then on demon's words
And she thought with throne of heaven she might give him just rewards
"But perhaps," said then Minerva, "We may speak of this again
For this moment let us sleep and be but lovers pure and plain."
Aurora then agreed, both angels into slumber went
But then only of their scheming and their vengeance lovers dreamt
(Edited by Mori X)
The belief that religion is a requirement of morality stinks of sociopathy...
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Aurora_Alighieri
Mr. Glows in the Dark
Posts: 2155
Registered: Apr 2006 |
Posted 04-17-09 07:53 PM IP
Alright Jessie, I reread your old material and then read the new. I like the progression so far although I'm a little lost at times. The rythm gets a little jumbled at times too. That aside though, I'm intrested in all the characters and what will happen so you have gotten me successfully hooked at least. I look forward to reading the next addition to your story.
~Dante~
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Dee
Poster-boy
Posts: 57
Registered: Sep 2007 |
Posted 04-17-09 08:41 PM IP
the fight with the smith was a little confusing. I love the fact that you explain what they are after getting that far into the story that you are hooked
And let the world fall into darkness so that no one goes hungry
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Mori X
That girl your parents don't want you to become
Posts: 2532
Registered: Apr 2006 |
Posted 04-18-09 02:30 AM IP
I've reread the whole thing as well, Dante, and I agree with you that the rhythm gets messed up sometimes, and I don't always use 'thee' and 'thou' for second person in the early posts. This is still a work in progress, but I think I need to pick a specific meter and stick with it rather than trying to keep track of it based on a song lyric the way I've been doing. As for the fight being confusing, Dorothy, I agree. It's hard to write fight scenes in general because they're so visual, but in verse it's a GIGANTIC challenge. Still, that's no excuse for not writing a clear sequence of the action...I'm the one who wrote it and I'm not EXACTLY sure what the original intent was =P. As for restating their identities, a lot of that is filler to keep the rhyme scheme working, but I think you're right that the repetition helps keep the vision straight. The thing about this sort of writing is that you have to be concise and flowery like a poem but still convey a very specific story like novel writing...actually trying to construct an epic gives me HUGE respect for Homer and the original epic poets who made these things last for hundreds of pages...I'm eleven pages in, and it's taken me a huge number of hours to create a modestly presentable unfinished version.
The belief that religion is a requirement of morality stinks of sociopathy...
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Aurora_Alighieri
Mr. Glows in the Dark
Posts: 2155
Registered: Apr 2006 |
Posted 04-20-09 01:06 AM IP
And then to boost the greatness of Homer you don't even have to recite it all by auditory rememberence from memory. =P You luck girl. Having it so easy must make it so hard. 
~Dante~
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Mori X
That girl your parents don't want you to become
Posts: 2532
Registered: Apr 2006 |
Posted 05-05-09 07:17 PM IP
Whew! Complete re-edit done and posted *mops sweat from brow*. No new material, but I fixed some of the meter problems, moved the scene with Geire and the stranger to the place it falls in the chronology of the story rather than in the place it falls in the chronology of creation, FINALLY got rid of all the stray 'yous' and 'yours' to properly replace them with thees, thous, thys, and thines, and got verb endings in place for Shakespearian English. I'm not sure if re-reading it would give anyone any particular pleasure since most of it is very similar to what it was, but I just wanted to post for posterity's sake that I've done a lot of work on it even if it doesn't look like it.
The belief that religion is a requirement of morality stinks of sociopathy...
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Aurora_Alighieri
Mr. Glows in the Dark
Posts: 2155
Registered: Apr 2006 |
Posted 05-06-09 01:49 AM IP
I mean, I wouldn't mind you uploading it to the site. It's not like you are forcing any of us to read it and in the mean time it's a good testament that you are involved in the edit re-edit process providing evidence to yourself later when you are asking what the fuck you have done with your tiem that you have in fact gotten things accomplished.
~Dante~
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Mori X
That girl your parents don't want you to become
Posts: 2532
Registered: Apr 2006 |
Posted 05-06-09 02:09 AM IP
Yeah, a lot of it is for myself; I HATE it when I see old work posted because I go crazy when I see bad writing, and I'm my own worst critic. Also though, I like having the latest version always be the one in cyberspace in case someone who hasn't read it before decides to read it for the first time.
The belief that religion is a requirement of morality stinks of sociopathy...
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Aurora_Alighieri
Mr. Glows in the Dark
Posts: 2155
Registered: Apr 2006 |
Posted 05-06-09 10:29 AM IP
Exactly! So, go ahead and post your work then. The forum is at your disposal after all.
~Dante~
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Mori X
That girl your parents don't want you to become
Posts: 2532
Registered: Apr 2006 |
Posted 05-10-09 02:28 AM IP
XVI
At the dawn Aurora rose and flew to chapel by the brook
She knocketh on oak door and through a crack the priest did look
“Aurora, many moons have passed since thou hast come to me
Cross the threshold to my chambers” Priest sayeth unto she
Priest slid bolt within the door which he did op’neth with a creak
As the angel crosseth threshold there her muscles greweth weak
She gaveth out a wince and Priest did turneth on his heel
“What plaguest thee, Aurora, what pain dost thou now feel?”
“I know not” She then replied, “Thy chapel always seemed a home
But when threshold I did cross there grew a burning in my bones.”
Priest reached beneath his robe and from its folds he broughteth charm
A wooden beaded necklace meant to wayward demons harm
Priest held out this beaded necklace, “Wouldst thou don this charm, my dear?”
Angel reached to do as bidden but her flesh the beads did sear
She dropeth down the charm which Priest retrieved as he did say
“Aurora, thou art tainted what hast happened to thee, pray?”
“That bastard demon Erig hath a curse upon me cast.”
Priest did know of demon’s death, and so the ancient priest did ask
“Didst thou not slay sly Erig in the battle by the shore?”
“We did” Replied Aurora, “He returneth to wage war
The demon sewed a serpent, in its skin he hath a plan
To torment I and my lover and to hell our pure souls damn.”
The priest then strokethed beard and he did say with voice quite bleak
“Demon’s blood thou hast, Aurora, thou may’t not my counsel seek
Thou must go now from the heavens to the forest near the sea
Thou must seekest seeing eyes there of the mystic sisters three.”
Priest reacheth ‘neath his robe oncemore, from there a bracelet drew
“Wear this within the chapels, it shall give thee strength anew
It protecteth demon wearer from the charms we angels bear
But I warn thee, dear Aurora, thou canst not return to here
I give thee one last blessing to protect thee from the snake
He who cometh born of woman may’th not thy charmed life take
Go now, friend Aurora, thou art welcome here no more
To the cottage and the sisters, to thy demon’s life endure.”
(Edited by Mori X)
The belief that religion is a requirement of morality stinks of sociopathy...
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Aurora_Alighieri
Mr. Glows in the Dark
Posts: 2155
Registered: Apr 2006 |
Posted 05-11-09 01:29 AM IP
Excellent addition. I'm really digging your new revamped old english too. Good work and I look forward to the rest.
~Dante~
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The Oak Hollow :: Art & Entertainment :: Library. :: The Blind Angel and the Serpent |
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