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K.B. the Ruthless
Private...KIA
Posts: 960
Registered: Jun 2005 |
 Posted August 30th, 2005 07:57 PM IP   
(i'm not sure how i'm gonna start this)
A black night. The pitchest black of night.
A lone figure lurks in the shadows of the streets of Ridgent. A hungry figure.
A random passerby yelps in surprise as a red blade sprouts from his chest. As the blood runs down, he looks up.
"Sorry 'bout that. I was aiming for your head."
A scream is heard. Then a quiet munching and crunching.
Thus begins the story of the demon Sol.
..............................................................
so whaddya think? it's kinda rushed. but i'll be writing more soon. 
COME *HERE* FOR TONS OF POINTLESS FUN! AND HEAR SOME OF MY FAVORITEST KIND OF MUSIC WHILE PLAYING!
*NOTE*: If my avatar doesn't work (i.e. it stands there, black and yellow, and doesn't move), simply right-click it and click on "View Original Image" to make it work. THNX!
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Ninja Bot
General
Posts: 4148
Registered: Nov 2004 |
Posted August 30th, 2005 08:40 PM IP
Sounds pretty evil. I don't have much of a critique to give as this was so short but are you sure you should focus your story in Ridgent? I don't have any problem with it but putting your fanfic in the confines of another person's? Then again, I'm aiming to write for Marvel some day with no motives to make my own company and I'm not even original enough to come up with a fanfic that is entirely mine. Anyway, get back to making some stuff and what not.
Master Chief
Stoic and proud, you work well with a team, but are better on your own. You love technology and exotic locales, but often are left to your own devices. Keep the helmet on, you look cooler.
 
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TheTwig
General
Posts: 2902
Registered: May 2005 |
Posted August 31st, 2005 04:45 AM IP
Cool. But a bit dark...
I like it.... *Laughs Maniacally*
There are three ways of dealing with time travel in Doctor Who (you might want to print this out for future use.)
1. Look, it's just a story, time travel is completely impossible, the whole thing's a farrago of lies, ooh, look at those monsters.
2. Time can only sometimes be rewritten, and the Doctor has a vast and terrible Time Brain that allows him to see when events can be altered and when they are fixed, but for us mere mortals, such insight would turn our brains to soup, ooh, look at those monsters.
3. Ooh, look at those monsters!
I like 3. It's quicker.
Steven Moffat
Yes, he's taking over Doctor Who in 2010. YEEESSSS!
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K.B. the Ruthless
Private...KIA
Posts: 960
Registered: Jun 2005 |
Posted August 31st, 2005 07:18 PM IP
(it just reflects my inner self. thanks.)
A long time ago, in a land far away, in a village called Koosolo, there lived a Koopa. This was no ordinary Koopa. At the age of 5, he was brutally attacked by a giant monster of unknown origins, leaving jagged scratch marks on his shell.
The Koopa loved his little village, and why not? It was placed in a scenic valley, crested with white-capped peaks. The village itself was of moderate size, 7 houses with 8 families. The Koopa himself was in the house of 2 families, being unable to go to work and help pay for a house.
The Koopa was of normal height, weight and build for a 5 year old. He was, however, unnaturally intelligent. He could sove Calculus-level problems in 1 minute, whereas a normal being could only dream of doing it in less than 8.
It was a wonderful day. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and everyone seemed happy. Koolos (as the koopa was named) loved it all and wished that moments like this would never end.
But young Koolos's world was about to turn upside down.
.........................................
well anyways, most of the tale won't be in ridgent. ridgent will simply be a hub of koolos's adventures. where he meets help and such. his village is right near ridgent, about 5 miles away from the city walls.
(and this ridgent is sort of an alternate reality, meaning, not prozd's storyplace ridgent. still gangs, but no prozd. maybe)
COME *HERE* FOR TONS OF POINTLESS FUN! AND HEAR SOME OF MY FAVORITEST KIND OF MUSIC WHILE PLAYING!
*NOTE*: If my avatar doesn't work (i.e. it stands there, black and yellow, and doesn't move), simply right-click it and click on "View Original Image" to make it work. THNX!
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ProZD Koopa
Administrator and Master of All Gang Members...relieved of duty
Posts: 5821
Registered: Nov 2004 |
Posted August 31st, 2005 07:20 PM IP
An alternate reality, eh? Interesting.
You could use the storyplace Ridgent that I use, if you wanted. I wouldn't really mind. Or an alternate reality Ridgent would be cool too. Whichever you prefer.
ProZD Studios
http://users.cjb.net/prozdstudios/
You better go and visit. Or ELSE.
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K.B. the Ruthless
Private...KIA
Posts: 960
Registered: Jun 2005 |
Posted August 31st, 2005 07:33 PM IP
really!? in that case, i choose to use prozd's ridgent. not alternate reality. because the prozd there would have a weird purply suit. and he would be fighting the blueshells. 
COME *HERE* FOR TONS OF POINTLESS FUN! AND HEAR SOME OF MY FAVORITEST KIND OF MUSIC WHILE PLAYING!
*NOTE*: If my avatar doesn't work (i.e. it stands there, black and yellow, and doesn't move), simply right-click it and click on "View Original Image" to make it work. THNX!
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TheTwig
General
Posts: 2902
Registered: May 2005 |
Posted September 1st, 2005 05:41 AM IP
Could I appear somehow?
As a cameo, or something. Because you only appeared first at my Forum, so it would sorta fit...
There are three ways of dealing with time travel in Doctor Who (you might want to print this out for future use.)
1. Look, it's just a story, time travel is completely impossible, the whole thing's a farrago of lies, ooh, look at those monsters.
2. Time can only sometimes be rewritten, and the Doctor has a vast and terrible Time Brain that allows him to see when events can be altered and when they are fixed, but for us mere mortals, such insight would turn our brains to soup, ooh, look at those monsters.
3. Ooh, look at those monsters!
I like 3. It's quicker.
Steven Moffat
Yes, he's taking over Doctor Who in 2010. YEEESSSS!
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K.B. the Ruthless
Private...KIA
Posts: 960
Registered: Jun 2005 |
Posted September 1st, 2005 09:09 PM IP
maybe. probably, actually. but not yet. i still really have no idea what i'm gonna write. i'm really just making it up as i go.
.....................................
As Koolos laughed quietly at young Koopas wrestling in the grass, a dark cloud started forming on the horizon.
"What's that?" most of the people asked.
A small figure soon appeared, apparently scared out of his mind.
"An evil army is coming!" he yelled.
"What?! Why?"
"They want Koolos for some reason!"
As Koolos heard these words, he panicked. Why would they want him? He knew no one outside the village.
"I think I have to go. Then they will follow me and that will save you all."
"No Koolos! Don't leave us!" the villagers cried.
"I have to! It's the only way!" Koolos yelled in anguish as he started running towards the city.
The villagers watched him go, then set up barricades around their houses. They then hid within the deepest recesses of their homes, hoping that the evil would not find them.
5 minutes pass. Cries of terror and suffering.
Koolos ran on, unknowing of the destruction his village faced.
COME *HERE* FOR TONS OF POINTLESS FUN! AND HEAR SOME OF MY FAVORITEST KIND OF MUSIC WHILE PLAYING!
*NOTE*: If my avatar doesn't work (i.e. it stands there, black and yellow, and doesn't move), simply right-click it and click on "View Original Image" to make it work. THNX!
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K.B. the Ruthless
Private...KIA
Posts: 960
Registered: Jun 2005 |
Posted September 3rd, 2005 05:42 PM IP
a lone figure runs towards the great black city on the horizon.
Koolos soon reached The Outpost. This was a place where he could stay safe no matter what. And with good reason.
The Outpost was the ancient fortress of the area's villages. Only 5 feet tall it stood, looking much like an oasis. Yet this building sank 500 feet beneath the shifting sands of the desert.
"Ah....now I can figure out how to get to the city without being spotted by any guards.....the underground tunnels might help..." Koolos breathed.
COME *HERE* FOR TONS OF POINTLESS FUN! AND HEAR SOME OF MY FAVORITEST KIND OF MUSIC WHILE PLAYING!
*NOTE*: If my avatar doesn't work (i.e. it stands there, black and yellow, and doesn't move), simply right-click it and click on "View Original Image" to make it work. THNX!
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K.B. the Ruthless
Private...KIA
Posts: 960
Registered: Jun 2005 |
Posted September 5th, 2005 03:13 PM IP
a lone figure keeps running towards the city. running for his life.
********
Koolos sat alone in The Outpost, munching on some fruit from the storage area. The underground hideout also made for a nice, openly-aired home away from home.
"I love it here. Maybe those bad guys will think I died and got covered by the shifting sands," he said to himself. "I mean, who could survive out there for more than an hour or two?"
......................>>>>......................
a dark figure walks to his leader.
"Sire. Our scouts have spotted an oasis. The koopa may have stopped there." it said to his overlord.
"Yes, good thinking....except he will have thought of that himself, you dumbass! He will have rested there for a while, then kept heading off!"
the figure cowered in fear from his leader.
"Forgive me, Sire. We shall find this koopa, if it is the last thing we shall do!"
"See to it that you do. Our entire plan hinges upon the capture of this koopa."
.....................................................
so, how does it look so far? comon, i need feedback here!
COME *HERE* FOR TONS OF POINTLESS FUN! AND HEAR SOME OF MY FAVORITEST KIND OF MUSIC WHILE PLAYING!
*NOTE*: If my avatar doesn't work (i.e. it stands there, black and yellow, and doesn't move), simply right-click it and click on "View Original Image" to make it work. THNX!
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Ninja Bot
General
Posts: 4148
Registered: Nov 2004 |
Posted September 5th, 2005 05:00 PM IP
Interesting. I'm wondering why some unknown army is after you and what you, a mere koopa, could have done a long time ago. I rather like this story so keep it up.
Master Chief
Stoic and proud, you work well with a team, but are better on your own. You love technology and exotic locales, but often are left to your own devices. Keep the helmet on, you look cooler.
Video Game Characters Quiz from Dumb Spot!
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TheTwig
General
Posts: 2902
Registered: May 2005 |
Posted September 6th, 2005 01:53 PM IP
Cooolness....
FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC!
There are three ways of dealing with time travel in Doctor Who (you might want to print this out for future use.)
1. Look, it's just a story, time travel is completely impossible, the whole thing's a farrago of lies, ooh, look at those monsters.
2. Time can only sometimes be rewritten, and the Doctor has a vast and terrible Time Brain that allows him to see when events can be altered and when they are fixed, but for us mere mortals, such insight would turn our brains to soup, ooh, look at those monsters.
3. Ooh, look at those monsters!
I like 3. It's quicker.
Steven Moffat
Yes, he's taking over Doctor Who in 2010. YEEESSSS!
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K.B. the Ruthless
Private...KIA
Posts: 960
Registered: Jun 2005 |
Posted September 16th, 2005 05:10 PM IP
(thanks twig.)
.....................................
Koolos woke up. It was dark outside, he thought, judging by the light coming from the candle next to him that was all he could see. He thought he had heard a roaring sound.
"What on plit could that have been?" he said out loud.
"I am you. Or at least I will be soon enough," he heard escape his own lips.
"Who are you?!"
"I am you. soon enough you will understand."
"whatever...." koolos said, too tired to realize that a foreign being had fused with him from the future.
.....................>>>>>>>>>.................
"sire. we have found a base. we think that the koopa might be there."
"excellent. now we shall have our spirit of evil for my plan."
COME *HERE* FOR TONS OF POINTLESS FUN! AND HEAR SOME OF MY FAVORITEST KIND OF MUSIC WHILE PLAYING!
*NOTE*: If my avatar doesn't work (i.e. it stands there, black and yellow, and doesn't move), simply right-click it and click on "View Original Image" to make it work. THNX!
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TheTwig
General
Posts: 2902
Registered: May 2005 |
Posted September 17th, 2005 07:49 AM IP
OOh.......
Interesting.
There are three ways of dealing with time travel in Doctor Who (you might want to print this out for future use.)
1. Look, it's just a story, time travel is completely impossible, the whole thing's a farrago of lies, ooh, look at those monsters.
2. Time can only sometimes be rewritten, and the Doctor has a vast and terrible Time Brain that allows him to see when events can be altered and when they are fixed, but for us mere mortals, such insight would turn our brains to soup, ooh, look at those monsters.
3. Ooh, look at those monsters!
I like 3. It's quicker.
Steven Moffat
Yes, he's taking over Doctor Who in 2010. YEEESSSS!
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K.B. the Ruthless
Private...KIA
Posts: 960
Registered: Jun 2005 |
Posted September 25th, 2005 02:52 PM IP
"Wake up, my young friend," the voice said. "The evil army is coming."
"WHAT!?" Koolos yelled.
"Yes. Look outside, carefully."
Koolos peered outside through a slit in the wall. He saw several pairs of booted feet shuffling around, looking for something.
"Denske." (another made up obscenity, like "grast")
"We must leave here now."
Koolos then leapt down to the tunnels at the bottom of the base, selecting one that led towards the great city.
"Hurry! They are coming inside!" the voice yelled inside his head.
"Alright! I'm going!" Koolos said to the voice.
...........................................................
yeah. it's getting kinda overrated. overhyped. outdated.
BUT I'M STICKING WITH IT!
COME *HERE* FOR TONS OF POINTLESS FUN! AND HEAR SOME OF MY FAVORITEST KIND OF MUSIC WHILE PLAYING!
*NOTE*: If my avatar doesn't work (i.e. it stands there, black and yellow, and doesn't move), simply right-click it and click on "View Original Image" to make it work. THNX!
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Ninja Bot
General
Posts: 4148
Registered: Nov 2004 |
Posted September 28th, 2005 03:26 PM IP
I haven't seen anything that you said seeing as how it's only in the Epic Tales section and you (or anybody else for that matter) has done any kind of hyping of this story. This addition didn't do much but I'd like to see more of it....especially after that "growth" you had in our latest chat session.
Master Chief
Stoic and proud, you work well with a team, but are better on your own. You love technology and exotic locales, but often are left to your own devices. Keep the helmet on, you look cooler.
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Ninja Bot
General
Posts: 4148
Registered: Nov 2004 |
Posted October 7th, 2005 08:29 PM IP
....that laugh was weird but I'll overlook that.
(Steps back a few steps)
So what's the dea with this story? Are you giving it the boot or something?
Master Chief
Stoic and proud, you work well with a team, but are better on your own. You love technology and exotic locales, but often are left to your own devices. Keep the helmet on, you look cooler.
Video Game Characters Quiz from Dumb Spot!
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K.B. the Ruthless
Private...KIA
Posts: 960
Registered: Jun 2005 |
Posted October 14th, 2005 07:34 PM IP
no.
i've just had something like a severe writer's block.
i've had no idea how i am going to continue the story.
but not anymore!
*..........*.......................*......................................*
Koolos lifted the sewer cover slowly, looking around to see if it was safe. No one was around, and he was in a dark alleyway. Safe.
He quickly jumped out of the hole and backed against a wall. He peeked around the corner. This is what he saw:
- normal, everyday people walking
- normal, everyday cars driving
- a not-so-normal koopa wearing a white suit battling a koopa with a black shell
- a normal, everyday semi parking next to them
"Hmmm....this place is weird."
"You seem lost. Can I help you?" a voice said behind him. Koolos spun around, jumping back out of surprise. It was a normal person, except he wore a dark green cloak that concealed a purple-and-green outfit. On his head he wore a strange golden helmet.
"Who are you?" Koolos asked.
"You may call me......Twig."
COME *HERE* FOR TONS OF POINTLESS FUN! AND HEAR SOME OF MY FAVORITEST KIND OF MUSIC WHILE PLAYING!
*NOTE*: If my avatar doesn't work (i.e. it stands there, black and yellow, and doesn't move), simply right-click it and click on "View Original Image" to make it work. THNX!
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Ninja Bot
General
Posts: 4148
Registered: Nov 2004 |
Posted October 16th, 2005 06:22 PM IP
Cool, you meet people. Glad to see you're back on the horse with this.
Master Chief
Stoic and proud, you work well with a team, but are better on your own. You love technology and exotic locales, but often are left to your own devices. Keep the helmet on, you look cooler.
Video Game Characters Quiz from Dumb Spot!
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TheTwig
General
Posts: 2902
Registered: May 2005 |
Posted October 17th, 2005 12:08 PM IP
YAY! The master of all evil is here!
Thanks for the Cameo!
This does look like a promising story.
There are three ways of dealing with time travel in Doctor Who (you might want to print this out for future use.)
1. Look, it's just a story, time travel is completely impossible, the whole thing's a farrago of lies, ooh, look at those monsters.
2. Time can only sometimes be rewritten, and the Doctor has a vast and terrible Time Brain that allows him to see when events can be altered and when they are fixed, but for us mere mortals, such insight would turn our brains to soup, ooh, look at those monsters.
3. Ooh, look at those monsters!
I like 3. It's quicker.
Steven Moffat
Yes, he's taking over Doctor Who in 2010. YEEESSSS!
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K.B. the Ruthless
Private...KIA
Posts: 960
Registered: Jun 2005 |
Posted October 23rd, 2005 04:44 PM IP
"how might you help me?"
"i can take you to someone that knows everyone in this city. he is one of great might and knowledge.....and he's a koopa."
"sounds great! what are we waiting for?"
"i have someone tracking me. i may or may not need your help. you were the first one not to spit on, kick, or rob me when i talked to you. thanks."
"no problem. anytime."
koolos looked behind his new friend and saw a mugger headed their way. "Look out!" he said, pushing Twig aside and throwing back his arm to punch the mugger.
time seemed to slow. Koolos looked next to him at his arm swinging slowly, when he noticed a sort of black aura around his fist. the punch connected, sending the mugger flying back, only to be impaled on a lightpost 100 feet away.
"how did i do that?"
COME *HERE* FOR TONS OF POINTLESS FUN! AND HEAR SOME OF MY FAVORITEST KIND OF MUSIC WHILE PLAYING!
*NOTE*: If my avatar doesn't work (i.e. it stands there, black and yellow, and doesn't move), simply right-click it and click on "View Original Image" to make it work. THNX!
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Ninja Bot
General
Posts: 4148
Registered: Nov 2004 |
Posted October 25th, 2005 05:24 PM IP
Woah! You killed that guy!....Killed the crap out of him! Much better than that two-liner.
Master Chief
Stoic and proud, you work well with a team, but are better on your own. You love technology and exotic locales, but often are left to your own devices. Keep the helmet on, you look cooler.
Video Game Characters Quiz from Dumb Spot!
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The Forums of Ridgent :: Displays of Marvelous Works :: Epic Tales :: Shadow of a Koopa (sol's backstory)
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