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Poetry |
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SilentPawn
Guest
Posts: 270
Registered: Jan 2007 |
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 Posted January 22nd, 2007 05:50 IP   
No more looking left, looking right
Words bounce from the ears of a man
That knows
The tunnel reveals one ending:
Destiny
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mystic light
Administrator
Posts: 6815
Registered: May 2006 |
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Posted January 22nd, 2007 09:41 IP
Hi, all , I have merged 3 threads with poetry into one.
So, share your poems with us here .....looking forward to more! 
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http://schmuckzauberei.blogspot.com/ |
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SilentPawn
Guest
Posts: 270
Registered: Jan 2007 |
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Posted January 22nd, 2007 17:36 IP
Shaka shaka shaka!
(Edited by SilentPawn)
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IapetusOcean
Member
Posts: 262
Registered: Dec 2006 |
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Posted February 3rd, 2007 20:27 IP
He began again: “Everything is dead! I’ve passed
Through all the worlds (got lost in the Milky Way)
As far as life’s richest veins ever spread
Sands of gold and waves of silver, especially
Where tides lapped the deserts, and in the chaos
Of sea maelstroms . . . a vague breath in places
Moves the stray spheres, but no spirit
Exists in any of these enormous spaces.
Looking for God’s eye I found only a socket—
Huge, pitch dark, and bottomless. Such night
Seethes there it seeps into this world, deepening always;
And around this pit arches a strange rainbow,
The sill of Old Chaos. The void is a mere shadow
Of that vortex devouring our worlds and days!”
(from "Christ on the Mount of Olives" by Gerard de Nerval)
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L'enfer, ce n'est qu' un chemin de fer qui mène nulle part. |
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IapetusOcean
Member
Posts: 262
Registered: Dec 2006 |
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Posted February 3rd, 2007 22:09 IP
Dactyls of Iapetus
Stellate anemones song of cicadas on Yavapai
intersect nucleus aftermath Terraplane blues
registering a cold one hundred an alpha-ray climax
on Josie's jukebox drivin' to the 38th Parallel
and yeah I'm on get deep down keep tanglin'
with these wires Hiroshima mon amour got a short
been feeling the centuries out on the canyon rim
how many more summers we got
till we punch another number
IapetusOcean
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L'enfer, ce n'est qu' un chemin de fer qui mène nulle part. |
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mystic light
Administrator
Posts: 6815
Registered: May 2006 |
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Posted February 3rd, 2007 23:08 IP
Wow, Ocean!!!
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http://schmuckzauberei.blogspot.com/ |
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SilentPawn
Guest
Posts: 270
Registered: Jan 2007 |
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Posted February 4th, 2007 00:02 IP
Sleep
Cozy, work-shy thoughts
Passing late into the evening
As light footsteps gone, down the echoing hall...
Laying aloft
Far and away the bouncing brightness of the room,
Fleeting imaginations of moments passed by...
Yielding in a sea of warmth
Entangled and roaming...
Considering a newborn arrangement
In a dream
Like a doting puppy
With unopened eyes
Taking breaths in quiet amazement
Before committing to the people outside
My unopened world
Ocean I like the one about Mount of Olives but I'm having a tough time making sense of it.
(Edited by SilentPawn)
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IapetusOcean
Member
Posts: 262
Registered: Dec 2006 |
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Posted February 4th, 2007 12:03 IP
Silky paws, maybe if you read the whole poem (here) it might make more sense to you. It ends like this...
Let us honor the beast for his irrepressible spirit;
Each flower is a soul that Nature discloses; Even
in metal one of love’s mysteries reposes. “All is
conscious!” And we’re under the spell of it.
Now beware using the Word to please the devil,
For matter cleaves to every utterance. Beware the
eye watching you in the blind rock wall,
For a god often is hidden among the “dark ones.”
Like the eye born under the eyelid’s veil, A pure
spirit quickens beneath the skin of stones.
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L'enfer, ce n'est qu' un chemin de fer qui mène nulle part. |
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SilentPawn
Guest
Posts: 270
Registered: Jan 2007 |
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Posted February 5th, 2007 04:46 IP
Hmmm...seems like the praise of the devil! I'm down with that some days... Not as in worshipping. Just acknowledging.
I have a question for you all. I re-wrote the last poem I did. What do you all think?
Passing late into evening
Cozy, work-shy thoughts go
As light footsteps gone
Down the echoing hall
Laying aloft
Far and away the bouncing brightness of the room
So close a surreal ascent
Up to a grand tree house
Yielding to seas of warmth
Surely entangled and unnocupied
Unraveling new postures
Like a garden bloom
Drifting on a dream
The fleetest wander into adventure
As a doting puppy goes
With unopened eyes
Hearing the quiet amazement
Breaths all the while
Before awakening to the outside
Of an unopened world
I think I'm done with it...not sure yet. What do you all think?
(Edited by SilentPawn)
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SilentPawn
Guest
Posts: 270
Registered: Jan 2007 |
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Posted February 5th, 2007 09:18 IP
How about this one?
Passing late into evening
Cozy, work-shy thoughts go
As light footsteps gone
Down the echoing hall
Laying aloft
Far and away the bouncing brightness of the room
So close a surreal ascent
Up to a grand tree house
Yielding on seas of warmth
Surely entangled and unnocupied
Unraveling new postures slightly
Like a garden bloom
Drifting along dreams
The fleetest wander
As a doting puppy goes
With unopened eyes
Whisperings surrounding each breath
As a soul's collapse reaches outward
Awakening outside the view
Of an opening world
Each time I rewrite it I like it more. lol I can't stop!
STILL CAN'T! Here's my final...I swear.
Passing late into evening
Cozy, work-shy thoughts go
As light footsteps gone
Down the echoing hall
Laying aloft
Far and away the bouncing brightness of the room
So close a surreal ascent
Up to a grand tree house
Yielding on seas of warmth
Surely entangled and unoccupied
Unraveling new postures slightly
Like a garden bloom
Drifting on along dreams
The fleetest wander
As a doting puppy goes
With unopened eyes
Whisperings soon surround each breath
A soul's collapse reaches outward
Awakening outside the view
Of an opening world
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mystic light
Administrator
Posts: 6815
Registered: May 2006 |
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Posted February 5th, 2007 09:21 IP
I often rewrite my stuff. Sometimes after months when I pick it up again, I see what I couldn't get out in an instant then.
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http://schmuckzauberei.blogspot.com/ |
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SilentPawn
Guest
Posts: 270
Registered: Jan 2007 |
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Posted February 5th, 2007 09:30 IP
I usually keep hammering away until I get it done. Been on this one for 4 hours. lol
So what do you think? As far as a sleep poem goes?
I was aiming to make the reader really feel sleepy after reading it. Its working on me...but I can't tell if its because I'm tired or...its working on me. :P
P.S. I really planned this one out in a very calm way. There are connections through-out it. Instead of rhyming for the catch, I made subtle likenesses in each stanza.
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mystic light
Administrator
Posts: 6815
Registered: May 2006 |
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Posted February 5th, 2007 10:26 IP
Well, I don't really dare to pass a judgement, you see? English is not my native language! I like this one:
"Before awakening to the outside*
Of an unopened world "
Outskirts* perhaps? Dunno...
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http://schmuckzauberei.blogspot.com/ |
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SilentPawn
Guest
Posts: 270
Registered: Jan 2007 |
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Posted February 5th, 2007 10:56 IP
You like the ending! Cool. I was hoping the last two lines could outdo the suspense of the two lines leading up to them. The word collapse is kind of strong. And whisperings is a little left field. I was hoping the structure and wording of the last two could take away the effect without too many words.
I liked the end too.
And you got me wanting to hear your voice now. lol
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IapetusOcean
Member
Posts: 262
Registered: Dec 2006 |
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Posted February 5th, 2007 11:02 IP
Quote:
SilentPawn wrote:
And you got me wanting to hear your voice now. lol
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Hehe, you're not the only one. :lol:
I bet she has a really cute accent. 
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L'enfer, ce n'est qu' un chemin de fer qui mène nulle part. |
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mystic light
Administrator
Posts: 6815
Registered: May 2006 |
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Posted February 5th, 2007 11:28 IP
Okay lunchbreak. Let me read this again now.
It IS relaxing. Dreamy...cozy....Maybe work that out in more details, maybe, I dunno. I think it has even more to offer.
Thoughts skating away on the thin ice of the new day....remember Jethro Tull? (Now don't tell me you hate them too!  Just spare me poor nerves!! :lol: )
I like this one too: "Whisperings surrounding each breath"
Collapse is kinda strong perhaps. How 'bout "surrender." or something along that line.
"Sleep's surrender to illuminated spring" , hehe.
Thoughts, like saints stepping cautiously onto the freshly fallen snow of a virginlike day.
(My voice is on my answering machine, btw.)
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http://schmuckzauberei.blogspot.com/ |
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SilentPawn
Guest
Posts: 270
Registered: Jan 2007 |
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Posted February 5th, 2007 11:38 IP
Haha! Nah...I don't have a beef with Jethro Tull. Don't really know who he is though. I know he's a classic rock dude. Don't know much beyond that.
Nice words regardless.
So you think I should work out the whole thing? Or just certain parts? Its funny but I really don't know what to do with it beyond what I wrote. I get scared when I like something. I don't want to add or detract.
*bites all finger nails off*
Give me your number!!! :P
I like that line...hmmm...
Sleeps surrender illuminates outward? Hmmm I like surrender over collapse. But is it strong enough for the ending stanza? I'll have to take a nap and wake up and see.
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jan
Member
Posts: 200
Registered: Nov 2006 |
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Posted February 5th, 2007 12:56 IP
Quote:
Haha! Nah...I don't have a beef with Jethro Tull. Don't really know who he is though. I know he's a classic rock dude. Don't know much beyond that. |
What do you mean? Don't they teach this at highschool anymore? (I once used 'Aqualung' when I had to make a presentation, after it the teacher asked if he could get the LP)
"How do you dare to tell me that I'm my Fathers son, if that was just an accident of birth?"
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mystic light
Administrator
Posts: 6815
Registered: May 2006 |
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Posted February 5th, 2007 13:41 IP
Same here, in music classes. "Bourree". But the teacher introduced us to it.
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http://schmuckzauberei.blogspot.com/ |
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SilentPawn
Guest
Posts: 270
Registered: Jan 2007 |
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Posted February 5th, 2007 13:58 IP
I didn't learn anything in class. I was just like John Nash in school.
"classes will dull your mind"
I did graduate. :P
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mystic light
Administrator
Posts: 6815
Registered: May 2006 |
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Posted February 5th, 2007 14:07 IP
Ya know what I did? Mom said: You gotta be there anyway. Might as well make the best of it. Listen and pay attention as well as you can. Be there 100%.
You'll be done with your homeworks very quickly. Then you can fool around all day, until its time to go to bed.
That convinced me. I always had the afternoons off. Done in mostly one hour. Off to play.
Teacher <<< by Jethro Tull
(Edited by mystic light)
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http://schmuckzauberei.blogspot.com/ |
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mystic light
Administrator
Posts: 6815
Registered: May 2006 |
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Posted February 5th, 2007 14:38 IP
Heavy rain has washed my mind
from your words, bit hard, unkind.
In the dust, illusions weep.
slowly truth in chains will creep.
When this moon has passed me by,
clearer will I see and try.
to continue through the snow,
fallen in a cruel show.
Heavy is my heart with thought.
Growing lesson has been taught.
Anyways, I wish you well.
Fateless wishing's hard to tell.
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http://schmuckzauberei.blogspot.com/ |
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SilentPawn
Guest
Posts: 270
Registered: Jan 2007 |
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Posted February 5th, 2007 15:00 IP
I like that. Kind of dark...which I like when its actually "poetic".
Sometimes people write in the dark and actually go all the way. To me that's almost like giving up on the heart.
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mystic light
Administrator
Posts: 6815
Registered: May 2006 |
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Posted February 5th, 2007 15:09 IP
Thanks for the appreciation. Yeah, kinda dark, sometimes, what I write. The goofy stuff would ruin my reputation here! :lol:
What do you mean by "they go all the way?"
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http://schmuckzauberei.blogspot.com/ |
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SilentPawn
Guest
Posts: 270
Registered: Jan 2007 |
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Posted February 5th, 2007 16:11 IP
Going beyond deep. When you get the point across...there's really no need to go further just for the hell of it. Kind of like going to extremes. Some folks, when they go in one direction...they go all the way.
All I need is a couple of words grouped together and I understand what's going on. When things go beyond my understanding...I don't like it because I consider those things excessive.
So...in a dark poem like yours, I'm right at home. But a dark poem that gets sick with it for no reason other than the premise is dark has no heart.
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SilentPawn
Guest
Posts: 270
Registered: Jan 2007 |
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Posted February 10th, 2007 23:31 IP
Ok...here is the final...seriously!
Sleep
Passing late into evening
Cozy, work-shy thoughts go
As light footsteps gone
Down the echoing hall
Laying aloft
Far and away the bouncing brightness of the room
So close a surreal ascent
Up to a grand tree house
Yielding on seas of warmth
Surely entangled and unoccupied
Unraveling slightly
Like a garden bloom
Drifting on along dreams
The fleetest do wander
As a doting puppy goes
With unopened eyes
Whisperings soon surround each breath
Sleep's surrender illuminates with reach
Awakening outside the view
Of an opening world
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mystic light
Administrator
Posts: 6815
Registered: May 2006 |
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Posted February 10th, 2007 23:35 IP
Oh, now it's really wonderful....
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http://schmuckzauberei.blogspot.com/ |
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SilentPawn
Guest
Posts: 270
Registered: Jan 2007 |
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Posted February 11th, 2007 00:33 IP
It makes me sleepy. :P
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mystic light
Administrator
Posts: 6815
Registered: May 2006 |
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Posted February 11th, 2007 00:58 IP
Goodnight then...
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http://schmuckzauberei.blogspot.com/ |
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Peter_McWeeter
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Posts:
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Posted February 12th, 2007 02:25 IP
The sufi opens his hands to the universe
and gives away each instant, free.
Unlike someone who begs on the street
for money to survive,
a dervish begs, to give you his life.
--Rumi Furunzanfar-- No.686
I'm really liking the sufi poetry...
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Lotus Buddhism Forum :: :: Art, Music, Literature :: Poetry
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