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Methadone Anonymous Forums :: REGULAR FORUMS :: DETOX/TAPER :: We all have a story, and this is mine.
ComaWhite Member Posts: 1 Registered: Jun 2012  Posted June 25th, 2012 05:53 PM   IP              Hey everyone. I've been thinking about posting here for an astronomical amount of time. Today I finally caved, and I'm glad I did. I'm a long time lurker, and I really want every single one of you to know that reading your stories and experiences has made me feel more hope than I ever thought I'd have. Thank you for that. You are all truly strong and amazing people. So, that being said, I suppose I will jump right into my story.I am absolutely positive the information I provide is going to be all over the place, so I apologize for that. I have been feeling rather hopeless for quite some time, and I guess I really just need this all off my chest. I've been on MMT for 2.5 years. I was at 100mgs for the majority of that time. Now that I am finally going through the tapering process, I'm down to 77mgs. I was doing Roxys and lortabs for about a year before I started Methadone. Now, I am very thankful that I am on something that has enabled me to function without feeling like absolute death; but sometimes I feel like the side effects I've endured are more of a burden than I can describe. First of all, I gained a shit ton of weight at an alarmingly fast rate. I gained 100 pounds, and I don't even recognize myself anymore. I have made absolutely no lifestyle changes, in fact, I am a lot more healthy and active now than I've ever been. I am incredibly depressed about being so fat, and my parents make me feel even worse. My mom is always making me feel like some sort of monster. She talks about my weight constantly and makes me feel terrible for being fat. It truly hurts, and it's incredibly hard to put up with (especially because I can't disclose that I'm on Methadone to her, so she has no one to blame but me). I can tell she is embarassed of my weight, and she always makes a point to mention that I'm on a diet when we're with her friends or anyone else. Even after we had a heartfelt talk and I told her how much it hurt me to have her judge me, she continued to focus on my weight only. My dad is just the same, but my mom is more vocal to my face about it. Another side effect I've had is tooth decay. I am unfortunately on liquid methadone (as I've heard great things about Methadone biscuits having little to no side effects like weight gain or tooth decay). I'm only 25, but my teeth are less than thriving. A year ago, I had to get a root canal, which was absolutely exhausting on my soul. I am terrified of going to the dentist for a normal checkup because I know the damage is severe. For those that have had nerves dying in your teeth, you know how sudden and debilitatingly painful tooth issues are. Additionally, I feel like my psychological health is suffering, especially now that I'm tapering. I cry so often and get so depressed that I can't even describe the feeling. It really sucks, and I feel so bad for my boyfriend for having to endure my depression. I guess that was everything in a jumbled nutshell. By the way, I am currently taking Emergen-C and Natural Calm to help with the tapering process (and being on the medication in general). Any other ideas are appreciated! If you read this, I thank you and I applaud you!
socrates *FORUM DIRECTOR* Posts: 960 Registered: May 2007  Posted June 27th, 2012 09:43 AM   IP              Hey ComaWhite, Just so you know, I read this yesterday and was sooo busy at worked I forgot to get back to it. I bring this up as I think many people may be the same as me. Anyways.... I have been thinking about your post and your mom... I can relate on those levels where parents think they are giving you a proper boost in life while they are truly providing a complex that will require heavy drugs to obscure You are not alone on this one. Many of us are here because of family and I am sure a multitude of issues including making bad choices. The path you are on is going to require concentration. With that said, start to see it for what it is, if someone is not there for you... keep moving on. Seek out those that give back some healthy support. Do not engage with the ones pointing south because they will only wrestle you down to the ground - emotionally that is. As for the tooth decay - just call the dentist and set the appointment. That is all you can do now. No harm in making a phone call. And you may want to get some anti-drymouth mouth wash - it helps. As for the weight, you can get that off when it is time. You just need to worry about one thing. This brings me to the topic of concentration - - do not let your thoughts wonder into self-destructive thinking; be silent observer and watch your thoughts like a stream but what ever you do, do not jump in and try to swim upstream. Keep posting! You will find a load of posts around best ways to taper. Welcome! and hope to see more of you around here. Best Regards, socrates
Finallyachance Member Posts: 87 Registered: Nov 2011  Posted July 28th, 2012 10:29 PM   IP              I too read this early this morning this is one of those post that you feel like the person has been so let down, I myself wanted to think about what to say and how to say it to make sure I add only good to your set of circumstances so I wanted to not just write off the top of my head. First if all I am really sorry about your parents lack of support and worse yet the insult to injury...Putting you down and embarrassing you is not going to a favor to your set of circumstances so it astounds me they think it might or...they think it's in anyway the proper thing to do....How did they like you as an active drug addict ask them if they prefer that back??? Are you detoxing off Methadone because of the weight gain, teeth issues and Mom and Dad? Have you been on methadone long??/ Did it work for you? I ask these questions because I am wondering if you have given this some real thought. All the issues you mention I understand are upsetting to you but relapsing on pills etc...will compound those and make them even worse plus add a few more for you so please don't let these be your only reasons for detoxing...Like socrates said...you can get the weight off in time, the teeth fixed and even process your parents degradation into what it is bullshit. Getting off methadone is hard...And it needs to be done very slowly and nothing anyways says or nothing a doctor gives you will take the pain of this detox away. There are a few things to lessen some of the acute withdrawals but they still are pretty rough. Have you looked into clonodine (blood pressure medication) Think think and then think some more Wishing You Well in Life, Love and Health, Finallyachance
mike9158 *FORUM DIRECTOR* Posts: 2671 Registered: Jul 2007  Posted August 16th, 2012 06:12 PM   IP              Hey there, Finally a Chance...remember me???? lol I just wanted to say hi to everyone and invite everyone to post and join us. It has been so long since I have been able to post in the forums and it is so good to be back. Hope to hear from you. Take care, Mike9158
mike9158 *FORUM DIRECTOR* Posts: 2671 Registered: Jul 2007  Posted September 3rd, 2012 04:57 PM   IP              Hi everyone, ComaWhite, you said in your post that you are a long time lurker but then when you finally posted, only my friends Socrates and FinallyAChance responded. Unfortunately, my health back then prevented me from welcoming you too. I don't know if you still browse or not, but if you do, please accept this invite to post again and join us. I was moved reading your post and I hope you know that there are people out here like my two friends and I that really do care. It seems that there is usually more traffic in the "methadone discussion" forum, however, I will post where ever you feel comfortable....just know that you are always welcome in the "discussion" forum as well as here. With things as slow as they have been this summer, it really doesn't matter what topic comes up there as long as people respond and care. The forums are picking up slowly but surely and will as the weather changes. Feel free to send me a PM (private message) or an e-mail at mike@methadonesupport.org if you have any questions or if there is anything I can offer as far as help goes. And FinallyAChance,,,,it is nice to see that you are still around and caring about others as always. I know life gets busy and I know traffic has been slow here this summer, but I would love it if you could find the time to post every now and again. Your experience and compassion are things this board needs. In any event, I hope everyone takes care and please, drop in and let us know how you are doing. Mike9158
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Methadone Anonymous Forums :: REGULAR FORUMS :: DETOX/TAPER :: We all have a story, and this is mine.